Weight Loss

I know I know I know, we hear about weight loss all over the place. But common, soooo many people are struggling with it now-a-days. I am too, and it's really frustrating. I am encouraged though, because I have family and friends who are working on the same goals---becoming healthy and that is what it is really all about, right?

So today I was watching the show "Losing it with Jillian". If you have never watched it, let me tell you, you will cry and laugh and then want to jump up and rush to the gym....like NOW!!!! So, I started eating an apple, which I wasn't hungry for, but I knew that if I went to the gym without some sort of healthy substance in my stomach, I might want to pass out. ;-)

Any who's, while I was watching the show, I realized that for some time when the subject of me losing weight comes up, I have conflicting emotions. One side of me really, really wants to be healthy, skinny, fit and have a great long lasting life. The other side of me, the one that tries to protect itself says "Whats the point?".
I mean, common, "Whats the point???????". The point is, do you want to die or do you want to live? Why is it that I have such a hard time sticking to losing weight?

Here is the reason that I know of right now, but I am sure God will reveal more as I work my way through this. Weight loss isn't just about the pounds and food you put in your mouth. It's about the walls we put up, the boundaries and gates we built and the foundations that were laid earlier on in life, and then moving on to adulthood. Some of these things were healthy, but obviously most of them were not. If they were all healthy, then I wouldn't be in the place I am in today, now would I?
I am not trying to beat myself up here. I am just trying to be honest and come to some reality that it is all more than I myself can handle. I can be in control of what I eat and how often I work out. But what about the emotional and mental stuff? I can't do that on my own. I do have to be willing to give it up to have a better life.

Anyway, I came to this conclusion last night, but it hit me today as I watched the show. It was an O-MY-GOSH moment in realizing that there is a part of me that cannot handle the idea of losing weight because someone might see the real me, or someone might get too close and I might get hurt. But I guess to also face the real news is that regardless if I am skinny or not, all of those things could happen anyway.

Sigh....... I know this will all work out. I am learning every day. I can only take it one day at a time. I can only do one workout out at a time, and eat one apple or salad at a time. Can I cry now????? Alas, this too shall pass.

Obedience

Today, as I was listening to the Dave Ramsey show I got to thinking about obedience. I cannot even tell you how beneficial it is to live life in obedience according to how God has asked us to live. Obedience comes in many forms, it just depends on each person and their purpose according to Gods instructions.

But he who looks carefully into the faultless law, the [law] of liberty, and is faithful to it and perseveres in looking into it, being not a heedless listener who forgets but an active doer [who obeys], he shall be blessed in his doing (his life of obedience). James 1: 25 (From the Amplifed Bible)

It puts a smile on my face when I realize that because of my obedience, God blesses me in different ways. For example, being obedient in sticking to my budget, I was able to pay off my student loans last month. Then today, I was able to pay my car tags in full without worrying if I had to save up for the payment.

I fall a lot, but then I pick myself up and get back on the budget. I know that if I stick to it long enough, the times that I do fall it won't hurt as much and I won't have to spend as much time trying to fix the mess when I did fall.

The other way I can be obedient is in my diet. You probably read in my last post about my health issues regarding allergies to certain foods. Well, this month I am going to concentrate on not only my budget, but also to what I eat, and make sure that I excersize more. I am so excited to see the results on these things.
More to come.......

HELP Me JESUS!!!

So, I haven't blogged in a while. I guess I just haven't felt the umph to do it, although there are so many ideas raging through my mind at different times. I guess, to be completely honest, I have had a lot of things on my heart that I have been wanting to tackle and I keep wondering "Is this something that I can blog about? Can I really be THAT transparent with everyone?" Well, in some way's I think I can.

Today's issues: Hurt, Forgiveness, Trust, SCRAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ever felt like that? Ever wanted to just turn around and run as FAST AS YOU CAN???
Man o' Man! Sometimes I even think it would be easier to just turn my back and run; choosing to not deal with the pain and discomfort of the IN YOUR FACE issue set before you.

In the last 10 years, I think I have faced some of the BIGGEST trials ever! I thought that moving to Colorado would make my life easier because God told me to move. I mean, life in AZ was certainly not a bowl of ice cream. I can tell you that as soon as I stepped into that U-Haul truck, my troubles were beginning, not ending. I certainly have had many blessings, but there have been too many times where my heart has been broken.

I have to wonder about the process after being hurt. For some people, they can just brush it off and move on. For others it becomes a huge issue of doing just that. How do you learn to trust others? I mean, none of us are perfect by any means. We all hurt each other in one way or another, sometimes without realizing it. This brings to mind that verse in Proverbs 3:6-8 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

I know how easy it is to be focused on that pain. To be focused on how that other person hurt me. To be too focused on how I am going to get through this without crumbling. I love that this scripture tells us point blank how it should be. Who should we trust? Jesus! Who should we lean on? Jesus! Who do we keep our eyes on? Jesus! How do we keep from lashing out in our pain? Stray away from evil and keep our eyes on him! Jesus will bless us when we are willing to follow these guidelines, no matter what. THANK YOU JESUS FOR YOUR WISDOM AND YOUR LOVE.

As I am writing this, I see where and how God has been strengthening me and maturing me into the woman He wants me to be. I can only hope that as long as I do not turn my back and run away; keep my eyes on Him, then I will be a stronger person in the long run.