Life has certainly been interesting. I have been adjusting to a lot of change (new roommate, loss of a roommate, lack of furniture in the house......). Change is change, but who said we needed to handle it well? Actually, I don't think I'm handling it badly, it's just not always fun. When you have a new roommate in the house, everyone has to get used to each other--especially if you haven't known the new person since just a bit before move-in day. Sometimes I wonder about things like, will she like me? Will we get a long? I hope we become friends. Sigh...... This all takes time.
On another note, I have been thinking about whether or not I am ready to hit the dating websites again. To be honest, it scares me. Am I ready for all the rejection that comes with it? Am I ready to actually go on a date? Should I lose 5000 pounds before I can even go on a date? Will guys even like me right now? How should I act or feel????? Am I taking this too far??? ;-) Seriously, I think I am taking this too far. I know deep down that it is not always about how you look (although it matters) but how you portray yourself. Are you self confident? Are you easily swayed by other people’s opinions? Are you rooted in the Lord? (Being rooted in the Lord is certainly an issue that I am trying to make better) I know deep down that if I were to just really focus on my relationship with God, then all of the other things will come into place. I cannot do this on my own. I have to walk in God's footsteps in order for things to become clear, and for the path to be easier to follow.
It’s funny because now that I think of it, it's just a normal process. We all have to put ourselves out there in order to have relationships, and it is no different with meeting a guy. I know that I have to give all of my fears and concerns to the Lord and know that He will guide me in the right path. It's just so scary. I often wonder, will I ever meet a guy who will love me for who I really am, not just what I look like? I think this way for myself as well. Will I find that man who I will love no matter what he looks like? Where is he? Does he love the Lord? Is he working on himself right now, preparing himself for marriage? What is he doing right now? What career path is he on? Does he love missions? Does he love kids? Is he a good family guy and easy to get along with?
What am I doing in order to prepare for things like this? How am I preparing spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially? It's all overwhelming. When I start to get on the right path, I tend to try and work on everything at once, then I get overwhelmed and fail big time. Sigh...... It's a one-step-at-a-time process. No one is perfect. We all have flaws and it will take a lifetime to work out all of our kinks. But, I am so glad that God is on our side, because I don't know how else I would get through all this healing and change without him. I want to be that type of person someday who is well balanced and has a good view on life. I don't think I am there yet. One can only guess what that actually looks like.
But the answer is quite clear and simple- Focus on the Lord and he will make your path straight.