Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Puting it out there

One of the reasons for this blog is so that I can have some accountability. I have noticed a lack of self esteem, and possibly a lack of self worth of who I am and what I am created to do. As I write this, I cry because it hurts to come face to face with issues that I have buried for so long. I think for so long I have not felt worthy enough to walk in the path that God has lead me. It hurts to realize that so many years have passed and I just wasted them away. Well no longer!!!! I want to do what God has called me to do. To Create. To Birth new things. No longer will I allow the enemy to tell me I am no good. I do not have talent. Well shut-up you filthy beast and GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!!!!!

Last night we had a prayer and worship night at our house. We try and do one of these at least once a month or every other month depending. The theme for last night was "Who wants prayer for more spiritual gifts?". I have been coming to terms with some of my issues in this and have known for quite a long time that I need to step out in Prophetic Art. This, I must say, is very intimidating. I am a perfectionist when it comes to my art work. It needs to be just so. I will deal with it if it is not perfect but man it drives me nuts if I cannot get out on canvas the way I see it in my head.

Anyway, I decided to step forward for prayer and in a gentle but firm way, I believe God spoke to me through some of my friends. I have to say that pretty much all of the things that were stated were confirmations that I felt the Lord telling me directly.
#1. I need to walk out in faith, without much planning on my part, and just start painting.
#2. It is not me who comes up with the ideas, it is God, and it is God who will help me get it onto the canvas.
#3. It will be as if I were wearing a blindfold; with my hand stretched out, paintbrush in hand I start painting. I won't know what will come of it, but I know it will be beautiful.
#4. I need not be embarrassed for how long it has taken me to get to this point. I believe that there was some things I needed to go through (healing over wounds) in order to see a breakthrough in this.
#5. When I paint prophetically, it will not only be for an others benefit, it will also be a time of worship and intimacy with God.

So, there you have it. I am looking forward to my first time setting up my paints again, but yet I feel scared also. I worry about whether or not I am going to be standing there, just waiting for the info on what to paint. I assure you there will be more to come as this all progresses. I will make sure that I post pictures as I do it as well. Blessings everyone. TTFN.


  1. You have hit it on the head - God has given us talents and we are to use them to bring Him glory. Keep looking at your heart and processing, for through the process the art is born. Eric Cox

  2. I understand the perfectionist in you and if you are at all like me you become so frustrated with yourself for "maybe not getting it right" that you don't even start for fear of failure. I'd lOve to see some of your work Anj. maybe you could post some pics. I love u cousin!