Puting it out there

One of the reasons for this blog is so that I can have some accountability. I have noticed a lack of self esteem, and possibly a lack of self worth of who I am and what I am created to do. As I write this, I cry because it hurts to come face to face with issues that I have buried for so long. I think for so long I have not felt worthy enough to walk in the path that God has lead me. It hurts to realize that so many years have passed and I just wasted them away. Well no longer!!!! I want to do what God has called me to do. To Create. To Birth new things. No longer will I allow the enemy to tell me I am no good. I do not have talent. Well shut-up you filthy beast and GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!!!!!

Last night we had a prayer and worship night at our house. We try and do one of these at least once a month or every other month depending. The theme for last night was "Who wants prayer for more spiritual gifts?". I have been coming to terms with some of my issues in this and have known for quite a long time that I need to step out in Prophetic Art. This, I must say, is very intimidating. I am a perfectionist when it comes to my art work. It needs to be just so. I will deal with it if it is not perfect but man it drives me nuts if I cannot get out on canvas the way I see it in my head.

Anyway, I decided to step forward for prayer and in a gentle but firm way, I believe God spoke to me through some of my friends. I have to say that pretty much all of the things that were stated were confirmations that I felt the Lord telling me directly.
#1. I need to walk out in faith, without much planning on my part, and just start painting.
#2. It is not me who comes up with the ideas, it is God, and it is God who will help me get it onto the canvas.
#3. It will be as if I were wearing a blindfold; with my hand stretched out, paintbrush in hand I start painting. I won't know what will come of it, but I know it will be beautiful.
#4. I need not be embarrassed for how long it has taken me to get to this point. I believe that there was some things I needed to go through (healing over wounds) in order to see a breakthrough in this.
#5. When I paint prophetically, it will not only be for an others benefit, it will also be a time of worship and intimacy with God.

So, there you have it. I am looking forward to my first time setting up my paints again, but yet I feel scared also. I worry about whether or not I am going to be standing there, just waiting for the info on what to paint. I assure you there will be more to come as this all progresses. I will make sure that I post pictures as I do it as well. Blessings everyone. TTFN.